Office roof.....

Just been on the roof of the office to have some meditation time up there. I have always loved being on the roof anywhere I go. It did not happen so offen as I wished, but still, I have been always sitting on a roof when I had my moments of deep personal reflection. Of course when these happen, I have right after it a need to share, a need to express these things inside my head, just because, it has become so rare to share anything with anyone in Europe. The same way you dont forget your language completly, after not practicing for a long time, you loose contact with your society and forget so many simple things you use to do all the time... Sometimes, I think that its just incredible to see how the mind and human soul can adapt to all sorts of situation. Adapt to no women in the streets, no bed, no name, no nationality.... Hear the eternal sound of the Mosque every morning, day, evenings.... Eat in restaurant everydays, pack the house on a weekly bases.... just so many things which the mind has to change and take in.

When I was in Chengdu, China, I use to go often on the roof. There I had joy, desperation and fun many times. Everytime, when I reach a roof, and sit there in the sun or in the rain, I cannot start anything without remembering Eiffel 65 (blue) on chengdu's roof. Anyway, just to say that its certainly for me up there that I can free up my mind the most. Today, I have been thinking about my home... a little only, I have just bought a house, but I have never really seen it. I am doing a morgage, but I have not really signed the papers..... I have my motobike, my car and a house now which, I should only see for two month this year....

I have also been thinking about the 17th of April, it is a beautiful day for humanity and a so terrible wound of myself. It probably the one date I could remember more than my own birth... Remembering this day, is just like if I wanted to die.... Anyway, this also went through my mind up there... what a deep moment this one is....

About woman, its been a long time since I have had any contacts at all with a women, even for a chit chat meal.... The last time I must have shared a coffe with a ladie must have been in early january.... The last time I felt love, probably, 2 years ago, and then it was not even that., I have met real love once in my life.... Now thinking that it should remain like this, at least I wont end up screwed. Its just such an extremely long & painful effort to recover and beleive that love exists still..


I just needed to write. This blog is the best place I found, it does not have a location, it doesnt have an identity but the one you give to it may be read by someone who understands me, and accessible from where ever I go! what a faithful partner. I enjoy it all... Sudan was an amazing experience, and I miss it sometimes, Pakistan is an other amazing one with a completely different patchwork of experiences. But in the end, it is an other beautiful experience of permanent discovery... Its only when you get down to the core of yourself that you find a good and positive vision on things.. before you get to the core, that's when you pass by all the difficult moment...
Reaching your goal depends a lot on how you understood and lived your journey to it.
;-)