on the fly

Pakistan experience is such a different experience to the previous one, sudan. Here it is such different emotions I go through. I arrived here on the 5th of Febulary 2006. It may appear as a small amount of time till now, but in fact it is a gradualy increasing experience of stress, and what it can really do. In the meantime, I am at a crossing of where rational becomes an option rather than an obvious essential thing. But when it has been 3 month under some extreme cultural and social frustration without a week to recover from it somewhere esle, it becomes an obsession to return to reality! Reality in this sense is the life you use to have, the confortable mind where your use to know! At this stage, you loose motivation and you think that maybe its all enough.,, After all, you dont have to do this, you dont have to take all that shit, and live this life for that.

Here you are, at the crossing of your options, you choose to take it, and accept all the understanding and fundamental behavior changes it inccur. Or you just decide to leave and restore a balance that you though up to know to be right. You then choose to forget what you just discovered to get yourself confortable with who you've become!

I have choose to go for it, and understand what this stress is generating in me, and what are the other sides I am not looking at while being under this constant pressure from stress. Stress is unattended, and it just pops up without clear warnings. And when you do find out it is here, you then also realise that it's very late in the process to counter strike! Through this was for me a huge challenge, the more I stay here, the more I realise why I am here, and what makes this job and experience the most amazing I've ever had! It took just a trip to the field again this week, to do some work. Going there by car was again an other amazing piece of beautiful feelings! Meeting with these people of Pakistan and knowing that you are here to try and help them as much as you can is such an amazing moment! I love to be here with these people, and share a tea with them, In the end, what matters is what's the most reliable for you, sorrows and wounds arent good to have, and when you are with these people you don't get disapointed. It always a simple and straight thing, its just so easy. Being there and also someway sharing your time with these people is one of the most saticefying and rewarding feeling of all. This, is enough for me to know that I am a privilegier, and that I should be thanksful at all time about this gift of discovering something else, some other part of myself I had never been aware of before. The Nature here is amazing, just as full of emotion as the whole experience itself! In the end, it make you wonder and probably understand that so many people on this planet have to beleive there is a god. I have no religions, but I do see the concept of religion beleif, This nature we are living in, and being part of, is so beautiful and powerful, that it offer no other explanation than magie! Even if science one day demonstrate the A+B of everything, they will, in the meantime demonstrate how uncredible this all is!

Everything's cool! looking forward to home, but not before its all done here! I'l make it... inshallah! :)