There is a pain that is unmistakable and unimaginable unless you are actually experiencing it. The emotional pain of breaking up is unlike any other pain that you can feel. No nerve being shred, nor severance of flesh that can ever replicate the feeling of a break-up. You can have an open wound surgery without anaesthetic and it would still not equal to the softest psychological sundering of a relationship between two people.
Utter Shock:
It is at this moment when the emotional Hiroshima happens. It usually sounds like "I don't love you anymore." Or in some cases, it is followed up with a Nagasaki of "I left you for Bill/Jane." Or in some rare cases; "I left you for Bill & Jane."
Utter Shock is perhaps one of the most rare extremes of human emotions any person will feel aside from death, marriage and child birth. Revel in it, soak it up poor puppy. Once you hit ocean bottom, it only gets better.
Reflection: "Why the hell did this happen?"
This stage occurs after the initial shock subsides. You search yourself for reasons why this happened and reflect upon it. Sometimes it comes to a point where you make up reasons, or convolute reasons on why this happened. Often this is an attempt to insulate the hurt mind while you weather the pain of the break up. This can be related to an "emotional coma" of sorts. I find that not planning anything beyond the scope of a daily bases is the only way to survive this self induced emotional coma. You can tell when you're better off when the other person can't own up to their mistakes that lead up to the utter execution of your relationship. Time is best spent surrounded by friends who will not be saying stupid things to you like: "Oh well." "Deal with it."
Longing: "Shit I miss him/her." "Wanting them back... take me back please?" It is at this stage the human psyche experiences an intense feeling of loneliness. Regardless of their faults, or the faults in oneself, the person wishes more than anything to be with that other person. This is often a phase where post break-up sex tactics are employed. As if breaking up were not any easier, either party may or may not "prolong the magic". Awkward visits, stalking and abusive and continuous phone calls predominate this. This is one of the most dangerous stages as most couples will regress into their previous relationship.
Repression: "Screw it. I hate her/him."
It is at this stage that a method of coping is dealt with. Nothing can be more therapeutic than realizing how much the other person was a fuck-nut case. Usually one realizes how much stupid shit and hoops you jumped through to gain, maintain, and sustain the love you felt for this person.
Moving on: "Yeah, Fuck it. I'm better off without him/her."
This is the final stage of a break up. Only after a passage of time will this come. I have realized that there can never ever be set length of time to get over someone. Pack your lunch, its going to be awhile. One of the major hurdles that needs to be crossed is the reestablishment of what can be called Belief in Self. In a break-up there is an immense amount of psychological damage. This damage is dealt as both sides try to reconcile their differences and place blame. Much of this results in depreciation of the other half and self-depreciation. Its fair to note that both sides suffer the same ill effects. Both parties suffer the same stages. Though to be fair, the one that "does the damage" suffers less from Utter Shock than the victim does.The most obvious danger posed to most victims is to fall into another relationship. Aptly known as "Rebounding", this effectively retards the recovery stages to a point where a person does not fully "find themselves" after the breakup.
Conclusions: Karmic Mysticism
There is something Karmic about break-ups. What you do will eventually come back to you. I have found that if you break up with someone for a particular reason, it will come back to you. It will generally be so painfully obvious that my reaction is to giggle like a school girl and think. "Damn, serves me right."
I have also learned that the amount of time and effort you put into a relationship is directly proportional to the amount of pain you will swallow in later. Hence, a half-assed relationship, will result in half-assed break-up with little closure. Surprise! The end result is a bittersweet lesson for you. Suffice to say, relationships and their enfolding slaughter-like ends are social facts. They exist and will always happen regardless of how we map our life to avoid them. It’s only through surviving them and in what we do with ourselves afterwards that matters the most.
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