Dedicated to a one of a kind amazing human! (check link: "A Great Human being")
Its now only two weeks to go before the start of my holidays, its been 5 months spent in Pakistan, and its been an other mind expanding and twisting experience! I can only now, 7 days away from the end, feel the release of this undercover stress that has been accumulating during all this time. Its like its slipping out of my body little by little and whenever I take the time to look at it releasing me!
This is how it does since I have started this work. It’s a cocktail of emotions and discovery in everything who makes me. Before, when I was in Europe, it was a whole lot different, although I was living in different country and de-rooting myself all the time to experience the life in new countries all the time. I was near home, just a country away from France. I often get asked the question: “Where are you from? Where do you live?”. This is one of the trickiest question to answer for me. Or at least its been until quite recently! What should I say? Oh, I am from France, Brittany more exactly! Or should I say: “ hmm, I don’t actually know dear!”. Either way, it shows that there is something unusual in me that makes me end up in this kind of unexpected troubles.
This goes with the fact that, apart from my parents and two brother, I don’t really have anyone that cares about me. This means that if my family was not there, I would definitely a nomad! I would not necessarly need to go to France on a regular bases. I would not really belong to there! I have moved house about 12 times throughout my childhood, and until the age of 19. By the time, I reached 19, I had lived in all sorts of area which is not city! Country side, small village, small towns, away from pretty much everything a city can bring. Then, by 19, I somehow started moving on my own, and again, from one country to an other. Until I start this humanitarian work, I had moved through 5 different country, and in each lived a life like every others, just like if this country was going to be my new home! However, everysingle time a new country becomes my home, its starting over the whole process of assuming that France is my home! Now that I am on mission, things have taken a higher pace, and rather than starting again a new life every time I land somewhere, I now skip this part where I find a job, I look for a flat..etc, this is all gone now, and everytime I go on a new mission, I already have with me my home! My home is myself, and my suitcase! There is nothing else material in my life that follows me in my life! My suit case is all I have when living for months in a place! What more would I need anyway! There is so much happening around already, that by the time I dropped my suitcase, I have already too much discovered around me to worry about this “little” thing. Im going to be living here and there for while, and whether I have a house/home to myself , is not relevant to what is going to become my life! The people I meet, and spend time with are my life, the things I do to change things or to understand are my life! The rest, doesn’t matter really! It all just a question of having been brought up with roots that reminds me that I am French.
I try to go home as much as I can, but so far, in the last two years I have only managed to return home 3 times and for periods of 6 weeks maximum! Sometimes, I feel guilty, I feel that I am not being a good child to not spend more time with my parents. My loving family which has been the ones to provide me with that special love I needed to keep me on track at times. The best part of this, is that they all understand, and despite the sadness it generates sometimes, they only want me to be happy and do what I have to do. What I have to do is enjoy and live as much as possible of this life journey, its to make sure that everyday I live is a useful and energizing day! And love does not mean possession to neither of us! Love is the key, wherever I am, whatever I do, they are always here in my heart and on the first seat! If ever, I m asked to return home, I will, but on their end they will never do that, because they know I have to live, the de-count started the day I m born! And there’s no time to loose, cause everyday is step further on my journey! This love with the family is unbreakable!
“I take my life everywhere, but not home” why do I say that. Well, if you think about it, my life is for 85% of the year in mission, somewhere in the world, and having defined a little more what’s my home and family while on mission, I see that after all I have with me all I need to call it my life out there. We also often define home as the place we spend most of the time! I spend most of the time with my suitcase & family love, so in a way, I guess that’s where I’m from. A normal life in a strange package! But all in all its exactly the same as if I was home with them all the time! Except that here, it intensify the love to its edge! My home with family is in my head and heart! The rest, it does not matter. When I go home, I am on holidays! Surprisingly, going home, is me without stress, without the suitcase, and environement, me without this daily discoveries and people. When I go home, its just to relax and enjoy physical presence of my family, share time with them, and not think about anything of life. To resume it simply, think about the one with a daily job in a banque, and a small family! Imagine, that this person, goes on holidays, he lives behind him/her is home and marks. He goes away from home! And when he return, its welcome back! Back to work, to the friends, to the Sunday bingo! Its back to “Normal” again! For me, it’s the opposite, my friends, my suitcase sized home, and my family love is with me all the time, but when I return, I remain with only my family! Everything else has vanished! The discovery, the new cultures, the friends from dubai… just everything! So when I get home, somehow, its like I left my “home” for holidays!
My life is made of the people I meet like you Geirr, and like all the others! Its my family and you all. So, when I don’t have you all, these people of the world, I don’t feel at home! I have to pay a visit to everyone, and see everyone’s home and culture! That is where my life is! And as my family is in my heart is all I need!
